Ahhhhhh

Okay... where to start...

You know what? Eff it. I am not going to start anywhere, I'm just going to talk.

I had a bad day.

It wasn't the kids.

It wasn't the other teachers.

It was me.

I haven't been getting enough sleep.

I think I'm even a touch under the weather.

I have so much on my mind: wedding, parent/teacher conferences/the state of our school....

We're short 4 safety aids and 2 assistant principals.

We've had five massive fights over the past two days.

We were in a code yellow all day yesterday, and again today.

I'm feeling sad for my students because they may lose their pep rally and homecoming.

I read a children's book to them today called, "I Wuv You" because they need positivity.

I also read it because I was feeling so negative myself, and I needed a pick-me-up.

My kids are starting to "test" me.

I don't blame them-the school is complete havoc right now.

I'm feeling worn down.

I can't wait until the wedding is over (because I just want to relax).

I hate PebbleCreek.

I'm feeling overwhelmed at the fact that most of my ninth graders' skill level is minimal.

I wish tenth graders loved to write.

I wish tenth graders were slightly better at self-directive work-time--

then we could effectively have a writing workshop...not like it was today.

I won a doughnut for being the only teacher in the building who hasn't written a referral yet.

I also am the only teacher who hasn't sent out a student or called security.

I think my students should win doughnuts for this; not me.

I love them so much.

I could have cried today because I felt like they were mad at me.

I was being a big ole' meanie because I was cranky.

I said sorry.

They liked the book.

Old Issue. New Perspective.

So, as the title of this blog alludes to, I had the opportunity (don't you love my optimism?) to revisit an age-old issue in my profession: poorly planned lessons. Now, all of my fellow teachers know that a poorly planned lesson could mean a number of things--it could be inaccurate time management, wrongful assumptions of class participation, lack of solid learning objectives, unorganized materials, poorly executed activities, unclear explanations, unrealistic expectations, lack of readiness, and on and on and on... Well, regardless of the exact culprit of the poorly planned lesson, the responses and reactions of the students are usually pretty similar: off-task behaviors. And, even as a teacher with high expectations of her students, I totally understand why these sorts of lesson plan "blunders" generate off-task behaviors. Who wants to sit quietly and patiently when they are confused, frustrated, irritated, and misguided? Ohhhhh, probably no one. :/

So, yesterday (the day after Labor Day), I went into school with my first "actual" lesson. All of the first week of school I tried my damnedest to make sure my students became familiar and comfortable with all of my procedures, expectations, quirks, and structures. I must say, they all did a marvelous job of patiently taking in and practicing the many, many processes and ideas that I presented to them. When I left school on Friday, I left with excitement for the long weekend, and excitement about getting started with my English curriculum. So, let me preface my lesson planning process by offering some brief background context about my classes.

1. I teach two sections of tenth grade English and one section of ninth grade English (we have block scheduling).

2. Most of my tenth graders were ninth graders last year, and since most of them also attended Tech last year, they had the Pebble Creek curriculum in English as ninth graders.

3. Pebble Creek does not include units for The Odyssey, Romeo and Juliet, or any other classical texts for that matter. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a die-hard advocate for texts like The Odyssey or Romeo and Juliet, but I do see the importance of making rich, classical texts relevant for today's teens.

4. As I mentioned in #3, the ninth graders at Tech have to go through the Pebble Creek curriculum, so for my ninth grade block, that is what I have to work with.

So, with that little snippet of information off my chest, I would like to get back at my intentions about lesson planning for the weekend. Since I had such a positive experience with The Odyssey at Riverside, I decided that I would use the whole "Epic Hero" concept to crank out some of the WKCE skills that we are required to enforce for our ninth graders (at Tech). I was feeling rather good about my ability to quickly "whip something up" for an introduction to Greek Mythology and The Odyssey. In addition to my confidence in the ease of my tenth grade planning, I wasn't really stressing at all about the ninth grade planning. (I believe I kept telling myself, "Well, even if you do end up winging it, there's a binder pretty much telling you what to say to the kids.") Please don't judge me, or cast me off as "one of those lazy teachers." I will simply defend myself by saying (in a slightly defensive tone): "But it was Labor Day weekend... and I just wanted to take it easy... You see where this is going.

Well, I showed up to school yesterday with more planned than I had originally anticipated. I had handouts with vocabulary words for my ninth graders, and I had questions and poster instructions about the twelve Greek gods and goddesses for my tenth graders. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty good about my readiness for the day. Well, those feelings changed about halfway through Block One (my ninth grade block). "What do we do when we are done with the words, Ms. K?" and "How are we supposed to define these words without a dictionary, Ms. K?" "Ms. K, I don't have a notebook yet!" So, I did what any English teacher would do in my situation: I improvised. I had extra paper for those who needed it, I showed my students how to use a thesaurus in place of a dictionary (we don't have a dictionary... don't ask!), and I encouraged my quick workers to pair up and compare definitions. Then, with about twenty minutes left in class, I had them go into Silent Reading. They had caught onto my discombobulation about ten minutes before Silent Reading, and so they flew with it--and I don't blame them! Those kids acted super sassy during "silent" reading! By the time they left, I could feel my hair knotting up, and I could feel the armpits of my shirt getting damp. "Okay, Megan, GET IT TOGETHER." In walks Block Two (tenth graders). I distributed the necessary handouts, kept their attention during the minilesson, and set them free to work. "Ms. K, we don't have that part of the handout." "Ms. K, why is their group doing the same one as us?" "How are we supposed to make a poster if the glue is all gone?" Aghhhhh! Stupid printer! Stupid me for not double checking to see who was working on what! Stupid glue stick! Then, wouldn't you know, I FORGOT THAT THERE WAS A FIRE DRILL. In the midst of total chaos, I had kids running out of my classroom (keep in mind I did NOT review proper Fire Drill procedures because I had forgotten about the freakin drill..), and my room was a total disaster. Needless to say, Block Three walked into a classroom that was left awry, and had to sit before a teacher who was feeling OVERWHELMED. So, I humbly told my students about my mental state, and I asked for their forgiveness and their patience. They tried their best. Haha.

That night, I went home with a HUGE to-do list, and self-promises to work my ass off until I felt OVER prepared. The result: I was up too late last night, but I had seamless lesson plans for today, and I had a super fun, excellently fantabulous day! :)

Que random thoughts time:

1. I am totally jealous of my CLC leader's classroom! If I could make my classroom into a carbon copy of her's, I would. The only problem: I don't have the money to put cute little table cloths on the student tables, perch worldly artifacts on the super high ledge above the dry-erase board, and buy a smart board.

2. I am feeling really crappy about the copy situation at my school. At Riverside, we could go into the copy room and make our own copies AT OUR LEISURE. At Tech, there is a copy guy (named Doug) who is a "sweet" little old man with a serious attitude problem (ha-ha). He runs a strict "hands off the copiers" rule for teachers, he leaves at 3 pm (about 30 minutes into my planning period), and he needs to have copy requests at least one day in advance. Well, all of these things pose some problems for me. First of all, I'm a control freak, I like to do things myself, and I like to do them when I want to do them. Secondly, I teach for three straight blocks, so 30 minutes into my planning period I'm lucky if I have my freakin attendance into eSiS. Finally, I'M A FIRST YEAR FREAKIN TEACHER, DUDE. I don't have master copies for lessons four days in advance! I just don't.

3. I absolutely adore my classes. There is such an amazing dynamic in each class, and it makes for some interesting interactions. It's very entertaining to see how all of these kids' personalities mesh within the classroom.

4. I have some major issues with girl-crazy boys. I'm starting to consider having the nurse come in and have a little talk about the birds and the bees...

5. I wouldn't mind it one bit if my class roster stopped fluctuating HOURLY. :)

T.G.I.F.

So, it's the end of the week, and I made it! I would like to say though, that I not only made it, I loved it. I seriously can't believe how wonderful I feel right now. Could it be possible that I taught for four days at a "terrible" school, and didn't write a single kid up (or send any out for that matter)?

Today I had my first experience with my collaborative planning time with the construction academy teachers (the teachers in my CLC), and we did this kumbia activity involving a circle, some beanie babies, and expression of feelings. After I wrote that sentence, I realized that I sounded particularly sarcastic, but I would like to explain that I simply have no other way to describe the activity that we do. And heck, I like a little fun-lovin' hippiness anyway. :) But, in any case, we went around and explained personal values, influential people in our lives, and times when we have felt respected or disrespected. During this activity, I realized that the feelings I am feeling right now are not shared by my colleagues. Most of the teachers in the circle expressed feelings of disrespect in regard to student behavior this week, and a lot of them explained that they felt their students didn't truly understand what a value was, or how to respect themselves. Now, don't get me wrong, I agree that a lot of youngsters today don't have their values set in stone, nor do they need to at the age of 15, but I seriously feel that some of these teachers are creating problems for themselves by assuming that their students don't have values, and that they need to teach values. While I look back at the days I have spent with my students so far, I firmly believe that they all have values, needs, opinions, and the ability to respect others and themselves. These four days, I have seen nothing but normal adolescent behavior accompanied by a refreshing sense of playfulness, awareness, and amazing ability to accept new things (and in particular, a new teacher!). I've heard incredibly offensive language, and I've witnessed (first-hand!) the sight of a truly remorseful and apologetic face when this language is addressed in a reasonable manner. I've seen sneaky attempts to break "bogus" classroom rules, and I've seen adorable scrambles to appear angelic when detection is sensed.

I would like to end this blog with my usual unorganized "list" of random thoughts. (I create these lists because, if I can't create logical paragraphs and format, I feel reassured by the comforting organization of numbered lists...).

1. I don't think I could love my students any more than I do.
2. I really feel like my students care about me, and that is HONESTLY something I didn't feel at Riverside.
3. These four days have been the most fun I have had in all of my life.
4. Not for one second do I think my job is going to be this "easy" all the time.
5. It's pay day!
6. My classroom is bomb-ass looking.
7. My kids like to read! (One of them self-selected the graphic version of Romeo and Juliet, and another picked (and actually read like 6 pages of) Crime and Punishment! (And, he's a 9th grader!!!!!!!!!)
8. I would like to personally thank God for creating the human being who invented Jolly Ranchers. (I have been told, "you are my favorite teacher!" by four different students, and although they claimed it wasn't because of the Jolly Ranchers, I have a small inclining that it is...)
9. I have had the privilege of bartering with students ("okay, you can listen to your mp3 player during independent reading, if you don't ask me for a hall pass any more), and making pinkie swears ("I know you're just 'goofin,' but enough with flashing the gang symbols. Pinkie swear it'll stop?" "Yes, Ms. K."). :)
10. Did I mention I love my job?

Drum-roll..... THE FIRST DAY

Well folks, today was the first day. The first day of school, the first day of my career, and the first day of my life (well, at least the life that I have built for myself!). This sort of day is definitely deserving of some serious reflection. With that in mind, I write this entry with a cautious undertone.

I'm not sure how other schools work on the first day, but at Tech the kids are herded into the commons at 8:35 where they then receive their schedules. After these youngsters get a hold of their color-coded schedules, the returning students are instructed to swiftly get to Block 1. The new students are lead to the first destination of their day-long orientations. As it turns out, my Block 1 class is a ninth grade class. So, logically, I had a nearly empty classroom for this block. I had one student in my ninth grade class (he failed his second semester of English 9 last year; thus, he is a returning student), so we played Scrabble. To my surprise, this young man was energetic, hopeful, and excited that he has me for two blocks in one day (that means he is with me for three hours of the day!). This one-on-one time was incredibly helpful to me. It really eased my nerves about the entire day. I don't know if he knows that he had that kind of impact on my mental well-being, but I was truly grateful for his individual company. My tenth grade classes (blocks 2 and 3) were also lacking in the attendance area (Tech doesn't take attendance on the first day because of the new student orientation, so word gets out), and all of the students who I met today were pleasant. I even had a few girls write comments for the comment box that stated, "you are going to be my favorite teacher!" Awww, isn't that sweet--don't worry, I know they are playing the game. :)

Looking back at the day, I have NOTHING to complain about. There wasn't a single moment in the day when I felt overwhelmed or out of control. I felt AMAZING. I felt so good about the day, that I am almost more nervous about tomorrow than I was about today. Being a lightly seasoned teacher, I have had the opportunity to learn a few things about teaching, and one of the first things I learned is that you should never get overly excited (or disappointed) about a day at school--things can (and probably will) be COMPLETELY different the next day. So, with that thought in mind, I am going to approach tomorrow with the same "green" attitude that I had today. I'm sure tomorrow will bring its own set of interesting circumstances.

Some random thoughts from today that I want to remember:

1. We only had two suspensions today (an altercation between two young men in the morning). I am pretty proud of the kids for this considering how chaotic the scheduling process was. We had about 1200 kids in the commons area getting papers thrown at them, and also having their bags searched.

2. A certain student that I had at Riverside (who also happens to be "that kid" that I will NEVER forget from my student teaching) now goes to Tech, and I saw him in the hallway. I'm sure I've spoken about this student in every blog I wrote while at Riverside, and I'm sure I made a "code" name for him, but the name has slipped me. Just trust me when I say that his presence at Tech feels like a guardian angel. He is definitely a substantial young man, and he was one of the biggest pains in my butt at Riverside, but I can't even describe to you how good it felt to see him today. :)

3. A young lady in my block 2 class introduced herself and by stating that her interesting fact about her is that she has anger problems. The class (as well as I) was caught off guard by this uninvited honesty, but I thanked her for her forwardness. She is going to be a tough cookie, and I am going to need to pay special attention to her. Unfortunately, I can tell by her demeanor that she is carrying a heavy load around with her. She seems to have a permanent gray cloud over her head, and a facial expression that reads, "Don't ask, just trust me; I have a reason to hate the world." In addition to her up-front confession about anger, this young lady informed me (via her comment card) that she DESPISES group-work. I have to make some sort of accommodation for this issue because she was willing to communicate this with me. I'm thinking that I will ask to speak with her individually, and ask for her compliance with a valiant attempt to participate in group work. I will try to work out some sort of discreet signal that she can flash at me if she is about to lash out at one of her group members, and then I can give her work to complete individually (but I would like her to stay in the group proximity). Hopefully this will help her feel more comfortable with my sensitivity to her needs, and my ultimate hope is that she will gradually begin to feel confident about being in a group setting.

4. I got an IEP in my mailbox today. Seems like I'm going to have an interesting situation in my ninth grade class... Don't worry, I was given crisis process for when this student engages in violent and defiant behaviors. Ugh. I am doing my best to keep an open mind about this young man's situation, but I already know that I have a HUGE weakness with Sp.Ed. kids who have behavior issues. Maybe this is fate's way of forcing me to confront this issue and take the steps necessary to address this personal deficit...

For now, I'm going to keep on keeping on. :)