A principal observation, an unpublished letter-to-the-editor, and a party!

Whoa, what a whirl-wind this week has been! It feels strange to have five days of school without any breaks (it's been a while since I've done this!). But, in any case, I did it, and here's what I have to say about it:

1. I had an observation/evaluation on Wednesday. Due to the craziness of communication at our school, I had NO inclining that this evaluation was taking place. Oh well! Here's the deal though: I had planned to be in the library to use the computers for my WebQuest (more about that later), but I wasn't able to use the library due to miscommunication. So, basically, I was caught in the middle of a mild nightmare: I was being forced to teach "by the seat of my pants" during a principal evaluation! Ahhhh! When I saw my administrator take a seat in the back of my classroom, all I could think was, "What the hell!? This would be my luck!!!" But, instead of panicking (at least on the outside), I decided to pretend that the administrator was not there. I used my common sense (I knew we NEEDED to go over the elements of a story) to create a mini-lesson (I won't go so far as to say that this was an EXCITING mini-lesson...) in which my students were jotting notes into a "cloze" and offering prior knowledge to generate definitions of these elements. Basically, I was pleasantly surprised at how cooperative my students were! I think they were on my side.... Moral of the story? My principal emailed me with a reflective question to respond to after the evaluation...

The question: "What hunches do you have to explain why some students performed as you had hoped while others did not?"


My response:
Although it is tempting to respond, "Because some of my students are just sassy!" to your reflective question, my (limited) experience and college education has taught me otherwise. Truth of the matter is, we can't blame misbehavior/off-task behavior on the students ALL the time; in fact, MOST of the time, off-task behavior is an indicator of a number of things. Some of the things that off-task behavior indicates are poorly planned lessons (i.e. lag time between instruction, unclear directions, activities that are too difficult/not difficult enough, etc.), activities that do not address an individual student's learning style, a lack of confidence in the student's ability to complete the lesson, outside issues, and numerous other extraneous factors/causes. Now, if I focus my thoughts/reflections onto my lesson from yesterday, I think I would blame a few things--too much "listen to the teacher" time, lack of engaging activities associated with the lesson, and little sensitivity to varied learning styles. For example, I had planned on taking my students to the library on Thursday (we had been working on a WebQuest that I made as an introduction to To Kill a Mockingbird--I have the link to this website at the end of this email... feel free to navigate it!), but there was a change of plans at the last minute, so I was sort of forced to teach by the "seat of my pants." I knew that we needed to go over the elements of a story (we will be analyzing these elements in To Kill a Mockingbird), so I tried to "whip up" a mini-lesson that focused on the elements of story. Due to the lack of preparation on my part, this "by the seat of my pants" teaching turned into note-taking. Most of my kids are excellent note-takers, but there are a few who simply don't see the value in it (which I understand to a certain degree). To account for this, I try to create handouts that encourage them to follow along by filling in blanks, and stamping these sheets for participation points. For some learners, note-taking is incredibly daunting--it involves sitting quietly and processing visual information. With that being said, I believe that this lesson lacked sensitivity for my kinesthetic/tactile learners. Also, I believe that there is still a need for development of student interest in the book we are beginning to read: To Kill a Mockingbird. I'm hoping that my love for this book will become apparent to my students as we "dig in" further. On a final note, I have a hunch that some of my students use Silent Reading time as "nap time." For me, this is an indicator that I need to more clearly communicate the general benefits of reading (for pleasure!). I think my students need me to thoroughly explain the benefits of reading for pleasure: vocabulary development, exemplars of strong writing skills, practice with active reading strategies, and an opportunity to increase reading fluency (which then translates to an increased ease with reading for other classes!). Thanks for reading! :)


Next order of business for this post: my unpublished letter. :( Last week, I was involved in professional development that led me to write something that I wanted others to read. I was encouraged to send this writing to the editors of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, and I did. I was excited when I recieved an email informing me that this writing would be published as a letter-to-the-editor in Monday's (November 9th) paper! However, this excitement was quickly defused when I realized that my writing was nowhere to be found. After a few days of hopefully checking for my writing, I emailed the editors to say, "hey, what's up?" and I have not gotten a response. :( BOOOOOOO!!!! So, here it is:

In a fourth floor classroom at Pulaski High School, I found myself excited about being involved in a day of professional development while happily surrounded by enthusiastic English teachers from all around the district.  We—for the most part—had smiles on our faces.  Teachers love this kind of stuff.  The characteristic that all of us shared today was that we all teach in schools that utilize the Pebble Creek curriculum for ninth grade English classes.  The theme of our professional development was a great one: how to teach this curriculum effectively and successfully!  Just like teachers tend to do, we were reveling in the joys of digging into the curriculum materials and then participating in modeled lesson plans.  The unit that this day was devoted to was centered on the theme of New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina, so the texts and activities that we were engaged in were related to the culture, landscape, qualities, struggles, and successes of New Orleans before and after Katrina.  The activity that prompted the text I wrote below involved reading and responding to a text about the loyalty that the citizens of New Orleans have to their homeland.  We were simply asked to think of a place where we feel great; a place that brings delight to us.  The catch to this assignment was that this same place of delight needed to also be a place that is generally scorned by the majority. Some of the places that my colleagues described included a less-than luxurious car, a run-down bar, an unorganized basement, and a worn couch.  My place?  Ahh, that’s easy: Bradley Tech High School.

“My Home-Away-From-Home”

            Okay, so maybe Tech isn’t a five star resort, but it is most definitely one of my favorite places.  Although the cement floors, the lack of walls, and the screaming whistles during passing time warm my heart, these traits fall far from warming the hearts of the general public.  You see, to the outside world, Tech is simply a “terrible school,” or a place that “has a long way to go.”  These types of descriptions cut deep into my soul—after all, this school represents everything that I am passionate about, and everything that I have worked by butt off for: education.  It really is a shame that the media attention our school usually gets tends to focus more on the “punch” rather than on the family of students and staff who work hard to prevent that punch, or stop it after it has been thrown.  The struggles that occur within the walls of our building are real—they are dramatic, authentic, and fundamental, and they help us develop as a tightly knit family.  It really is a shame that most of the outside world never has the chance to witness the laughter, joy, support and growth that occurs everyday inside our home.  So, instead of rejoicing at the reporting of serious successes, we have developed a bond over our own secret: we are great!

I think I posted this in my previous post, but I wanted to repost it with the beginning part as well.

Finally, I just wanted to record the fact that I made six dozen cookies, four pans of brownies, taco dip, and brought in four gallons of milk today for my kids. I was VERY apprehensive about this for several reasons: it was expensive, it took me FOREVER, and I feared an emotional break-down at the possibility of little appreciation. As a new teacher, I have already learned that it is a BAD idea to expect appreciation from a bunch of adolescents. The truth of the matter is simple: they are programmed to worry about themselves, and it's my JOB to be there for them. Basically, I have already realized that I need to have thick skin, and I need to be there for them NO MATTER WHAT. However, considering all of the work I put into this "kick-off the new term" celebration, I was seriously doubting my ability to brush things off my shoulders. With that being said, I was INCREDIBLY satisfied with the response of my students. They were VERY appreciative and thankful. In addition, they were surprised at the amount of work I had put into everything. The shock on their faces as I loaded paper plates with goodies was better than ANY thank you. It showed me what I was hoping for: they weren't EXPECTING that much out of me. I had exceeded their expectations, and it felt good!

Another one of my ADD posts...

So, I have come to the conclusion that, given my incredible time constraints, I need to just start accepting the fact that my reflective blogging posts will be disjointed, spastic, and somewhat unorganized.  Since I am an English teacher (you know, we're supposed to care about fluency, organization, order of ideas, etc..), you can see why this is a challenge for me.  None-the-less, I will allow myself to "slip" once in a while....

First topic of reflection: Pebble Creek training and writing piece that resulted.
So, this past Wednesday, I went to a training session for the a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y a-m-a-z-i-n-g curriculum that I teach my 9th graders: Pebble Creek.  Now, all jokes aside, I have to admit that the training session was more beneficial than I was expecting it to be, but I'm starting to think that I am just so in love with professional development that I begin to feel euphoric any time I am surrounded by teachers who are discussing teaching... Anyway, during this training, we were involved in a demonstration of different "reading activities."  One of the activities had us reading a passage about the contradictory nature of New Orleans--the celebrated choas of the community.  After reading the passage, the presentor asked us to think of a place that we enjoy, but a place that is not widely glorified by the general public.  My result of this assignment:

“My Home-Away-From-Home"

Okay, so maybe Tech isn’t a five star resort, but it is most definitely one of my favorite places.  Although the cement floors, the lack of walls, and the screaming whistles during passing time warm my heart, these traits fall far from warming the hearts of the general public.  You see, to the outside world, Tech is simply a “terrible school,” or a place that “has a long way to go.”  These types of descriptions cut deep into my soul—after all, this school represents everything that I am passionate about, and everything that I have worked by butt off for: education.  It really is a shame that the media attention our school usually gets tends to focus more on the “punch” rather than on the family of students and staff who work hard to prevent that punch, or stop it after it has been thrown.  The struggles that occur within the walls of our building are real—they are dramatic, authentic, and fundamental, and they help us develop as a tightly knit family.  It really is a shame that most of the outside world never has the chance to witness the laughter, joy, support and growth that occurs everyday inside our home.  So, instead of rejoicing at the reporting of serious successes, we have developed a bond over our own secret: we are great!

After sharing this with the group, I was encouraged by a few of my peers to send this into JSOnline for submition.  My immediate thought was, "Why bother?" but after some further consideration, my thoughts changed to, "Why not?" So, I emailed the editor.  HE EMAILED ME BACK.  Turns out, he forwarded my email to the editor of the "opinions" section of the paper, and she is going to use it as a letter for the opinion section on Monday!  I'm totally pumped!  Not only am I pleasently surprised by the quick response from JSOnline, but I am so excited to have my writing, and my school positively displayed in a local publication! :)

Second order of business: My To Kill a Mockingbird Webquest
So, we had final exams this week, and Monday is the offical start of "Term 2" (which, in block scheduling, is like a new semester).  I decided that instead of starting my tenth graders with Julius Ceasar, I am going to begin the semester with To Kill a Mockingbird instead (I DEEPLY love this novel!).  So, I decided to make a webquest as an introduction to the unit, and as a way of providing my students with some context and historical background information.  I'd love it if you checked out my site and offered me feedback! Also, please feel free to borrow any of its contents!

My WebQuest: http://web.me.com/stevesampson/To_Kill_a_Mockingbird_WebQuest/Home.html

And finally, I want to reflect a bit on the awesome banking day I had today!  We had an opportunity to engage in different workshops within the academies in our school today.  I began the day in Mr. Sinclair's workshop.  Mr. Sinclair is in my academy (construction) and I wanted to spend time learning about the different projects that my students create in his class, so I made sure to sign up for his workshop.  Well, I left his classroom (90 minutes later!) with a fully soldered pipe!  Now, this is not just any pipe, this pipe is a 90 degree, copper plumbing pipe!  It was so fun to create something (and to use torches and melted metal).  After the soldering, I moved on to the manufacturing academy to make an aluminum key chain with a laser and computer program.  As soon as I walked into that classroom, I immediately wished I would have discovered it earlier!  Our school is so blessed to have all of the amazing resources that we have!  I mean, I got to operate a moveable robot with a computer!  It was so fun!  Then, I used the computer software to create a logo for a license plate border and a key chain.  After I created the images, I uploaded them onto the appropriate computers, and cued a special machine to imprint the images onto the appropriate materials (it used a laser... talk about high tech!).  Moral of the story: we have some pretty amazing things going on at our school!  Also, I have a new found respect for the construction teachers... especially the ones who teach soldering and welding... I don't know if I could spend everyday around a room full of teenagers with flames and torches!

I am married!

Okay, so I'm officially a married woman. :) I have had an amazing week (I took a little over a week off from work), and I'm so not ready to go back on Monday. However, I must admit, I missed my kids like crazy.

Our wedding was so beautiful. I'm really looking forward to slowly getting our new gifts out, sending out thank-yous, and looking through all the amazing photos we have. I'm also really looking forward to my new life as a wife. :)

I know that when I go back to school on Monday, I'm going to have to devote a large chunk of each block so that I can show my kids pictures and such. It's totally fine with me, and I really appreciate that they are so interested. In addition, I think it's important for them to know that I want them to be a part of my life; I mean, after all, they surely share information from their lives with me!

Beginning of my Genre Unit: Reflection

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I'm really excited about this comprehensive genre unit I have begun. Today (yes, Tech had school today even though nearly every other MPS school had off!), I was able to have my kids complete their life maps. The final touches of their maps were completed after about twenty minutes of class. After I had collected all of their masterpieces, I asked them to get out their notebooks (which is usually accompanied by a unison groan) so that they could record some vital details about the next step in our genre "journey." Just as my students are accustomed to, we conducted a "think aloud" about the relationship between narrative and descriptive writing. Just as I had anticipated, I had a decent number of students who were already contemplating the definite connection between these two genres, and I had others who challenged this idea (these are often my favorite learners, because I admire their inability to accept things for "face value.") As we held this think-aloud, I recorded ideas on my handy-dandy post-it poster paper. See the notes below.


Block two's ideas:
-narrative and descriptive writing can both be entertaining.
-narrative and descriptive writing are both kind of imaginative.
-narrative and descriptive writing are kind of expressive.
-narrative and descriptive writing can be fun to write.
-narrative writing and descriptive writing don't need research (or citations).
-narrative and descriptive writing use point-of-view.
-narrative and descriptive writing both use interesting words.
-you can use descriptive writing in narrative writing.


Block three's ideas:
-narrative and descriptive writing can both be emotional.
-narrative and descriptive writing can be about something personal.
-narrative and descriptive writing can be done without bibliographies.
-narrative and descriptive writing are fun to read.
-narrative and descriptive writing are fun to write.
-narrative and descriptive writing are more loose (from your head).
-narrative and descriptive writing shows what's going on in your life.
-narrative and descriptive writing try to explain a part of you to someone else.
-narrative writing needs (most of the time) to be descriptive.


So, as you can sort of notice, although these two blocks weren't thinking identically, they sort of worked through this think aloud in similar ways. And, (much to my excitement) they BOTH created an excellent connection between narrative and descriptive: good narrative writing aims to include plenty of great descriptive writing within it! After this think aloud, I had a hard time getting my students to quiet down. They were very interested in sharing examples of stories and movies that include great descriptions within the plot. So, instead of having them use a metaphoric microscope to "zoom in" on one part of their narratives (their life maps), I decided to roll with it. I had them quickly pick groups of three or four (which, in my class, when I haven't pre-arranged for them to use their group cards, means groups of two, three, four, five, or six...) and create a list of narratives that include excellent descriptive portions. As an additional task of this activity, I asked them to (as a group) select one example from their list and have each group member write a reflection about how this descriptive writing affected how they read the narrative.  


Some examples of the narratives with very descriptive portions:
"Shame" By Dick Gregory-->the part about how he is pregnant with poverty was very detailed.
Harry Potter-->lots of descriptions of the places.
"Birches" By Robert Frost-->he describes the birch trees so much.
"99 Problems" By Jay-Z-->he gives tons of details about his troubles.


Examples of reflections to these descriptive portions:
"I think when he be saying that he pregnant, it make me picture this weird idea of a little boy who pregnant. When I picture that crazy thought, it make me feel kind of bogus like he probably feel being so poor." (in regard to "Shame").
"When I read the descriptions about the buildings and stuff in Harry Potter, it makes me imagine like what it is like. I think the details make it easier for me to see it, and it makes it easier for the movie people to make those movies." (in regard to Harry Potter)
"Those pictures of the birches makes the whole poem flow. Like, the story that in the poem couldn't be there without those pictures. He real good at making me see what he say, and it make the whole story about the boy make sense because the birches fill in the gaps." (in regard to "Birches")
"Jay-Z raw. He tell it like it is. For some folk, those information is old news. For other people, those stories is untouchable. So, he know he got to give real examples of life on the street. I think his descriptive writing is probably the only way his song make sense. I like that he be talking about a life that some people don't know nothing about." (in regard to "99 Problems")


Since time is never on my side, the bell rang just as we were getting to the opportunity to share our ideas with each other. I am pretty happy with what I read, though! I'm excited for Monday when we will have the opportunity to discuss the importance of descriptive writing, and when we will get the chance to describe the "crap" out of one portion of our narratives.

First day with a sub!

Okay, so I have two things on my mind for this post: I called in sick today; therefore, my students are having their first experience with a sub in my class. Also, I wanted to reflect a little bit about the cohesive genre unit I have going on right now.

In regard to the first idea that's on my mind, I was feeling really crappy this morning. I actually fainted in the shower (and managed to give myself a slightly bruised cheek!). After getting out of the shower and drinking some orange juice (I thought maybe it was just that my blood sugar was low), I realized that there was no way I was going to take the risk of going to work and fainting in front of my student (talk about scaring them!). So, I called the sub line and left a message with the secretary at school. I have to admit, I'm feeling rather guilty because I am going to be gone for a total of 6 days (10/21-10/28) for my wedding! So, in my guilt-enduced "frenzy," I sent out an email to all the teachers in my pod asking them to please let me know how my kids were responding to the sub. I received an encouraging email from a co-worker stating that my Block 3 class looked pretty good when she walked through. We'll see if that is an accurate representation of how the sub felt in my classroom.

Next, I want to spend a few minutes reflecting on a genre unit that I sort of "whipped" together on accident. So, since I have been completely overwhelmed with the planning of the wedding, parent-teacher conferences, open-house, observations, and overall lesson planning, I have been finding that a lot of the lessons I bring to school are not filling the entire block. So, in addition to feeling inadequate in regard to time management, I have begun to develop a keen sense of improvising. (See how I found the positive side of this blunder?) In one of my hurried attempts to fill up a chunk of the block (usually around 10-20 minutes!), I found myself having my students do a free write. Well, as they silently wrote for the remainder of the class, I frantically searched through my brain for an explanation or rationale for making them do this. What rationale did I come to? Well, I brought in a poem that I had written about a year and a half ago. I also brought in write-ups that I had done about dreams that my parents had had for me while I was growing up, a hard decision I had made in my life, an anecdote about a Polka dancing contest I had won, and symbols that represent who I am. This follow-up lesson plan introduced my students to some new vocabulary (symbol and anecdote), and it allowed for me to make a connection between free-writing, creativity, and poetry. Also, the write-ups about dreams, anecdotes, decisions, and symbols allowed me to have a discussion with my students about the role that personal experience plays in expressive writing (such as poetry and free-writing). So, after that lesson, I decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to introduce my students to the idea of genre, and how writing genres can really become intertwined and cohesive if we think about them in a sort of cause and effect way. In addition to exposing them to a new vocabulary words with this idea (genre, description, narrative, creative, technical, persuasive, and expository), we had a valuable discussion about categories, and how categorizing information allows for us to more easily process information (example: author purpose and audience). Shortly after this discussion about genre, we "connected the dots" for the previous lessons we had had during group work. I had them fill in a cause/effect organizer with their thoughts about how all of our discussions and activities over the past few days were related. The results were incredibly encouraging!! A few examples:

"The free-write showed us how to let loose with our writing--->After we let loose, we looked at examples of writers who had let loose with poetry (Kanye West and Ms.K)--->Then, we looked at different ways to be expressive with our writing by looking at symbols, dreams, and quick stories about personal things--->Then we learned about how free-writing can lead to creative writing which is a genre of literature.--->Now we think Ms. K is going to have us use our free-write to write in a new genre of writing, like maybe descriptive or something."

"When we was free-writing, we didn't know why we was doing that--->Then, when we looked at "Jesus Walks" (by Kanye West), we thought that maybe we did it because we are going to write a poem--->Then, Ms. K brought in some stuff she had wrote about herself, and how she became who she is today--->After that, we thought that we would probably be writing another free-write about the personal side of who we are--->Then we learned about different writing genres, and we sort of thought about the fact that all of the stuff we are reading and talking about is really creative writing, or kind of like a narrative--->So now we think we is going to write a personal narrative, but it can be creative too because creative writing and narrative writing can be a lot alike if you think about it."

Well, after we had sharing time with these cause/effect handouts, I lead them into a discussion about how creative writing and narrative writing can be related. We also talked about one type of narrative writing: personal narrative. We are currently working on "Life Maps." Each student has had their picture taken (courtesy of my digital camera). These are not just your typical "mug" shots, I encouraged each student to think of a pose, facial expression, or any other aesthetic that would accurately represent WHO they are. So, I have a lot of silly faces, interesting angles (one boy wanted me to stand on a table and look down at him so he could look up... he wanted to show that he feels like he has so much potential!). In addition to the self-portrait, they are creating actual timelines of their lives. These timelines will be fully illustrated (perfect for open-house), and will include little write-ups about at least 6 substantial events in their lives. So, what's coming next in this cohesive genre unit?

A descriptive peice about one event on their life maps (which will be an excellent time for me to do grammar in context about colorful adjectives, descriptive verb usage (example: Lisa DRIBBLED water down her shirt. Instead of Lisa got water on her shirt), and using a variety of sentence lengths in writing). And then?

A research inquiry about memory and why certain memories stand out more than others. And then?

An expository paper about the processes of researching and inquiry. Then?

A persuasive paper about the "best" genre of writing they have worked with thus far. Then?

A technical (business letter) piece written to a literary journal explaining why a (self-selected) piece of their writing should be published in that journal. And finally?

A creative piece (poem or short story) that incorporates their experiences with this genre unit.

Of course there are things that need to be ironed out, and of course some of the connections seem a little stretched, but I feel like I could have benefited from a cohesive genre unit like this when I was in high school. I think it's so important for these kids to understand that there are distinctions between all the different genres, but good writers should also be able to find a strong voice and let that voice be heard in all the genres. What better way to see that than to stick with a common thread and travel through all 6 genres?

Two days in a row? What?!

Okay, so today I'm all sorts of proud. Several of my students are being recognized school-wide for performing at an advanced level on the benchmark, one of my tenth graders recieved a scholarship for a football camp (it's next summer), and this camp is nationally acredited for the success it has in regard to gearing students up for college football, and another of my students did something admireable for me. I was called down to the office during block 4 today (I don't teach during this block). When I walked into Ms. Marsh's office, I saw one of my tenth grade boys sitting in the room as well. Since I hadn't been alerted to the fact that he would be sitting in on this meeting, I had a whirl of possibilities running through my head. Ms. Marsh greeted me by saying that she had called me into her office because she wanted this young man to tell me why he was in her office. As she finished saying this, my student looked at me and urgently started telling me about an incident he was involved in during block 3. While he was using the restroom he overheard some other young men saying inappropriate things about me, and these guys were also bragging about the fact that they had taken some of my candy, and they were making plans to snatch my unicorn puppet (long story). Being appalled by both the disguisting things that these guys were saying, and their hurtful plans to take things from me, my student clearly told these boys to stop. After what turned out to be a bit of a scuffle (nothing too major, my student ended up walking out before anything stupid happened), my student went to administration to let them know what had happened. After this young man left Ms. Marsh's office, she informed me that when he had come to her office, he was VERY upset. She said that he was having a hard time even telling her what happened because he was so irritated about how those boys in the bathroom had acted. Right there in her office, I started to cry. I was so touched.

In addition, I am currently in love with my classroom. I work so hard to keep that room looking the way that it does, and the hardwork is really worth it. :) Here are some pictures:

Pressure, pressure everywhere!

Okay, so I'm aware of the fact that my last post was rather urgent, and to make matters seem even more dire, I failed to post another entry in a timely fashion... whoops, that was my bad.  Well, in any case, I somehow manage to get myself feeling guilty about not blogging, so here I am... blogging. :)

My life is crazy hectic right now (to say the least).  I'm getting married in 16 days, I recently had parent/teacher conferences, I am being observed about 4 times over the next two weeks of school, our open house is on October 16th (from 6-8 pm) and the general public is coming, and I am trying to find a new car (mine is about ready to die).  Between gathering RSVP cards for the wedding, trying to get in dress fittings, grading papers, creating engaging lessons, test-driving cars, and desperately trying to display student work for the open house, I have very little time to sleep, clean, or reflect.  Now that I am done making a laundry list of excuses for myself, I am going to just say that I love reflecting, and here I have made myself time to do it (when I should be planning for tomorrow, or doing the LOADS of laundry that currently resides on my bedroom floor).

Today I had a crazy day with the kids.  My attendance was low (about 33% of all of my students were absent), and the kids who were there seemed particularly testy, edgy, and just generally sassy.  In addition to the discombobulation of my student population, I am feeling uneasy about lesson planning.  My ninth graders are being such troopers with the Pebble Creek curriculum, and I actually like what I am having them do currently (we're writing self-created news stories about major natural disasters).  So, the issue I'm having is not with them--I'm feeling uneasy about my tenth grade curriculum.  About a week and a half ago, I decided to have my tenth graders take a brief practice test to get a feel for where they stand when it comes to the skills that the WKCE tests for.  After looking through these practice tests, I was literally knocked on my a$$.  Not a single one of my tenth graders scored better than a 67% on these practice tests.  At first I was thinking, "well, they didn't take it seriously, they didn't have enough time, or this practice test is not a clear indication of how they will actually perform."  With these more positive thoughts in mind, I formulated lesson plans that focused on the writing process, author claims and support, purpose and audience, and we had plenty opportunities to learn about grammar in context.  The issue I am facing now is this: these kids are SEVERELY lacking in the vocabulary needed to perform proficiently on these tests.  Agh, I hate to admit this, but I have sadly come to the conclusion that my students simply lack the lexicon that the WKCE expects these tenth graders to have.  So, with less than a month before my students have to take this cruel test, I'm feeling a lot of pressure to make sure that I have done my best to prepare them for this assessment.  Now, how do I teach two blocks of tenth graders what discuss, explain, extrapolate, emphasize, explore,..... means (without resorting to the awful teaching methods I have previously seen in terms of vocab instruction)?

So, as I'm venting about this vocab frustration, I'm feeling other frustrations storming in.  They won't stop, so here they are:
- I have terribly limited access to technology--I have a computer for my own personal use in my classroom.  This computer is not networked to a printer in the building, so I have to put everything on a flash drive and use another computer to print.  In addition, I have no projector, and no smart board (this means no power points or demonstrations.
- My overhead projector died.  There are no other overhead projectors available in the building.
- The only open computer lab that my students have access to (as a whole class) is in the CLC, and during both my block two and three classes, this computer lab is used by the computer programming class.
- My school is so broke that they can't even help me pay for supplies (like markers, construction paper, scissors, tape, staplers, index cards, ANYTHING).
- We also can't go on field trips because we literally have NO money.
- In addition to experiencing major budget cuts, we lost 6 teachers, and because of that, I have about 4 new students in each of my classes (this happened on Monday).  How the hell do I catch up these kids??

To leave on a positive note:
- I still love my kids.
- I care about them so much.
- Sometimes I have to stop the lesson so that I can re-gather them (aka Ms. K goes into lecture mode and desperately explains to them why I need them to be a bit more serious..).  When I do have to stop, and when I make these little "speeches," they actually listen.  This isn't like silently staring at me and waiting for me to stop, this is like looking at kids who are actually concerned and who are honestly hearing what I have to say.  Today, I was feeling particularly frustrated with the fact that some of my students refuse to show self-discipline by staying on task during workshops.  I said something like, "I care so much about you guys, and it KILLS me to know that you know what it is you have to do to do well in here, and you blatantly choose NOT to do it.  I can't go home at night and feel good about myself as a teacher when I know that a lot of my students are not living up to their potential."  I could tell they were serious, and one of my students (who hears his name a lot in my class because he's always a little on the sassy side) said, "Ms. K, you know we love you and we love this class, right?"  I didn't know how to respond.  I know that they love me, but I don't necessarily know that they love the class.  So, I said, "Well, I know that you all care about me, but I would love for you all to SHOW me that you care about me as a teacher by doing what you need to do in my class."  I won't lie and say that the rest of the class was sassy-free, but I will say that I left my school today knowing that 75 young-adults care about me.  I used to ask myself why it was so important for me to feel like my students care about me, and now I think I finally know why I have always wanted this so bad: because now that I actually feel like these kids care about me, it is PROOF for me that they know that I care about them.  I could have never imagined (in a million years) that my first month of teaching would be this amazing.

I have so much more to say, but I need to do some planning, and then I need to do some sleeping. :)

Ahhhhhh

Okay... where to start...

You know what? Eff it. I am not going to start anywhere, I'm just going to talk.

I had a bad day.

It wasn't the kids.

It wasn't the other teachers.

It was me.

I haven't been getting enough sleep.

I think I'm even a touch under the weather.

I have so much on my mind: wedding, parent/teacher conferences/the state of our school....

We're short 4 safety aids and 2 assistant principals.

We've had five massive fights over the past two days.

We were in a code yellow all day yesterday, and again today.

I'm feeling sad for my students because they may lose their pep rally and homecoming.

I read a children's book to them today called, "I Wuv You" because they need positivity.

I also read it because I was feeling so negative myself, and I needed a pick-me-up.

My kids are starting to "test" me.

I don't blame them-the school is complete havoc right now.

I'm feeling worn down.

I can't wait until the wedding is over (because I just want to relax).

I hate PebbleCreek.

I'm feeling overwhelmed at the fact that most of my ninth graders' skill level is minimal.

I wish tenth graders loved to write.

I wish tenth graders were slightly better at self-directive work-time--

then we could effectively have a writing workshop...not like it was today.

I won a doughnut for being the only teacher in the building who hasn't written a referral yet.

I also am the only teacher who hasn't sent out a student or called security.

I think my students should win doughnuts for this; not me.

I love them so much.

I could have cried today because I felt like they were mad at me.

I was being a big ole' meanie because I was cranky.

I said sorry.

They liked the book.

Old Issue. New Perspective.

So, as the title of this blog alludes to, I had the opportunity (don't you love my optimism?) to revisit an age-old issue in my profession: poorly planned lessons. Now, all of my fellow teachers know that a poorly planned lesson could mean a number of things--it could be inaccurate time management, wrongful assumptions of class participation, lack of solid learning objectives, unorganized materials, poorly executed activities, unclear explanations, unrealistic expectations, lack of readiness, and on and on and on... Well, regardless of the exact culprit of the poorly planned lesson, the responses and reactions of the students are usually pretty similar: off-task behaviors. And, even as a teacher with high expectations of her students, I totally understand why these sorts of lesson plan "blunders" generate off-task behaviors. Who wants to sit quietly and patiently when they are confused, frustrated, irritated, and misguided? Ohhhhh, probably no one. :/

So, yesterday (the day after Labor Day), I went into school with my first "actual" lesson. All of the first week of school I tried my damnedest to make sure my students became familiar and comfortable with all of my procedures, expectations, quirks, and structures. I must say, they all did a marvelous job of patiently taking in and practicing the many, many processes and ideas that I presented to them. When I left school on Friday, I left with excitement for the long weekend, and excitement about getting started with my English curriculum. So, let me preface my lesson planning process by offering some brief background context about my classes.

1. I teach two sections of tenth grade English and one section of ninth grade English (we have block scheduling).

2. Most of my tenth graders were ninth graders last year, and since most of them also attended Tech last year, they had the Pebble Creek curriculum in English as ninth graders.

3. Pebble Creek does not include units for The Odyssey, Romeo and Juliet, or any other classical texts for that matter. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a die-hard advocate for texts like The Odyssey or Romeo and Juliet, but I do see the importance of making rich, classical texts relevant for today's teens.

4. As I mentioned in #3, the ninth graders at Tech have to go through the Pebble Creek curriculum, so for my ninth grade block, that is what I have to work with.

So, with that little snippet of information off my chest, I would like to get back at my intentions about lesson planning for the weekend. Since I had such a positive experience with The Odyssey at Riverside, I decided that I would use the whole "Epic Hero" concept to crank out some of the WKCE skills that we are required to enforce for our ninth graders (at Tech). I was feeling rather good about my ability to quickly "whip something up" for an introduction to Greek Mythology and The Odyssey. In addition to my confidence in the ease of my tenth grade planning, I wasn't really stressing at all about the ninth grade planning. (I believe I kept telling myself, "Well, even if you do end up winging it, there's a binder pretty much telling you what to say to the kids.") Please don't judge me, or cast me off as "one of those lazy teachers." I will simply defend myself by saying (in a slightly defensive tone): "But it was Labor Day weekend... and I just wanted to take it easy... You see where this is going.

Well, I showed up to school yesterday with more planned than I had originally anticipated. I had handouts with vocabulary words for my ninth graders, and I had questions and poster instructions about the twelve Greek gods and goddesses for my tenth graders. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty good about my readiness for the day. Well, those feelings changed about halfway through Block One (my ninth grade block). "What do we do when we are done with the words, Ms. K?" and "How are we supposed to define these words without a dictionary, Ms. K?" "Ms. K, I don't have a notebook yet!" So, I did what any English teacher would do in my situation: I improvised. I had extra paper for those who needed it, I showed my students how to use a thesaurus in place of a dictionary (we don't have a dictionary... don't ask!), and I encouraged my quick workers to pair up and compare definitions. Then, with about twenty minutes left in class, I had them go into Silent Reading. They had caught onto my discombobulation about ten minutes before Silent Reading, and so they flew with it--and I don't blame them! Those kids acted super sassy during "silent" reading! By the time they left, I could feel my hair knotting up, and I could feel the armpits of my shirt getting damp. "Okay, Megan, GET IT TOGETHER." In walks Block Two (tenth graders). I distributed the necessary handouts, kept their attention during the minilesson, and set them free to work. "Ms. K, we don't have that part of the handout." "Ms. K, why is their group doing the same one as us?" "How are we supposed to make a poster if the glue is all gone?" Aghhhhh! Stupid printer! Stupid me for not double checking to see who was working on what! Stupid glue stick! Then, wouldn't you know, I FORGOT THAT THERE WAS A FIRE DRILL. In the midst of total chaos, I had kids running out of my classroom (keep in mind I did NOT review proper Fire Drill procedures because I had forgotten about the freakin drill..), and my room was a total disaster. Needless to say, Block Three walked into a classroom that was left awry, and had to sit before a teacher who was feeling OVERWHELMED. So, I humbly told my students about my mental state, and I asked for their forgiveness and their patience. They tried their best. Haha.

That night, I went home with a HUGE to-do list, and self-promises to work my ass off until I felt OVER prepared. The result: I was up too late last night, but I had seamless lesson plans for today, and I had a super fun, excellently fantabulous day! :)

Que random thoughts time:

1. I am totally jealous of my CLC leader's classroom! If I could make my classroom into a carbon copy of her's, I would. The only problem: I don't have the money to put cute little table cloths on the student tables, perch worldly artifacts on the super high ledge above the dry-erase board, and buy a smart board.

2. I am feeling really crappy about the copy situation at my school. At Riverside, we could go into the copy room and make our own copies AT OUR LEISURE. At Tech, there is a copy guy (named Doug) who is a "sweet" little old man with a serious attitude problem (ha-ha). He runs a strict "hands off the copiers" rule for teachers, he leaves at 3 pm (about 30 minutes into my planning period), and he needs to have copy requests at least one day in advance. Well, all of these things pose some problems for me. First of all, I'm a control freak, I like to do things myself, and I like to do them when I want to do them. Secondly, I teach for three straight blocks, so 30 minutes into my planning period I'm lucky if I have my freakin attendance into eSiS. Finally, I'M A FIRST YEAR FREAKIN TEACHER, DUDE. I don't have master copies for lessons four days in advance! I just don't.

3. I absolutely adore my classes. There is such an amazing dynamic in each class, and it makes for some interesting interactions. It's very entertaining to see how all of these kids' personalities mesh within the classroom.

4. I have some major issues with girl-crazy boys. I'm starting to consider having the nurse come in and have a little talk about the birds and the bees...

5. I wouldn't mind it one bit if my class roster stopped fluctuating HOURLY. :)

T.G.I.F.

So, it's the end of the week, and I made it! I would like to say though, that I not only made it, I loved it. I seriously can't believe how wonderful I feel right now. Could it be possible that I taught for four days at a "terrible" school, and didn't write a single kid up (or send any out for that matter)?

Today I had my first experience with my collaborative planning time with the construction academy teachers (the teachers in my CLC), and we did this kumbia activity involving a circle, some beanie babies, and expression of feelings. After I wrote that sentence, I realized that I sounded particularly sarcastic, but I would like to explain that I simply have no other way to describe the activity that we do. And heck, I like a little fun-lovin' hippiness anyway. :) But, in any case, we went around and explained personal values, influential people in our lives, and times when we have felt respected or disrespected. During this activity, I realized that the feelings I am feeling right now are not shared by my colleagues. Most of the teachers in the circle expressed feelings of disrespect in regard to student behavior this week, and a lot of them explained that they felt their students didn't truly understand what a value was, or how to respect themselves. Now, don't get me wrong, I agree that a lot of youngsters today don't have their values set in stone, nor do they need to at the age of 15, but I seriously feel that some of these teachers are creating problems for themselves by assuming that their students don't have values, and that they need to teach values. While I look back at the days I have spent with my students so far, I firmly believe that they all have values, needs, opinions, and the ability to respect others and themselves. These four days, I have seen nothing but normal adolescent behavior accompanied by a refreshing sense of playfulness, awareness, and amazing ability to accept new things (and in particular, a new teacher!). I've heard incredibly offensive language, and I've witnessed (first-hand!) the sight of a truly remorseful and apologetic face when this language is addressed in a reasonable manner. I've seen sneaky attempts to break "bogus" classroom rules, and I've seen adorable scrambles to appear angelic when detection is sensed.

I would like to end this blog with my usual unorganized "list" of random thoughts. (I create these lists because, if I can't create logical paragraphs and format, I feel reassured by the comforting organization of numbered lists...).

1. I don't think I could love my students any more than I do.
2. I really feel like my students care about me, and that is HONESTLY something I didn't feel at Riverside.
3. These four days have been the most fun I have had in all of my life.
4. Not for one second do I think my job is going to be this "easy" all the time.
5. It's pay day!
6. My classroom is bomb-ass looking.
7. My kids like to read! (One of them self-selected the graphic version of Romeo and Juliet, and another picked (and actually read like 6 pages of) Crime and Punishment! (And, he's a 9th grader!!!!!!!!!)
8. I would like to personally thank God for creating the human being who invented Jolly Ranchers. (I have been told, "you are my favorite teacher!" by four different students, and although they claimed it wasn't because of the Jolly Ranchers, I have a small inclining that it is...)
9. I have had the privilege of bartering with students ("okay, you can listen to your mp3 player during independent reading, if you don't ask me for a hall pass any more), and making pinkie swears ("I know you're just 'goofin,' but enough with flashing the gang symbols. Pinkie swear it'll stop?" "Yes, Ms. K."). :)
10. Did I mention I love my job?

Drum-roll..... THE FIRST DAY

Well folks, today was the first day. The first day of school, the first day of my career, and the first day of my life (well, at least the life that I have built for myself!). This sort of day is definitely deserving of some serious reflection. With that in mind, I write this entry with a cautious undertone.

I'm not sure how other schools work on the first day, but at Tech the kids are herded into the commons at 8:35 where they then receive their schedules. After these youngsters get a hold of their color-coded schedules, the returning students are instructed to swiftly get to Block 1. The new students are lead to the first destination of their day-long orientations. As it turns out, my Block 1 class is a ninth grade class. So, logically, I had a nearly empty classroom for this block. I had one student in my ninth grade class (he failed his second semester of English 9 last year; thus, he is a returning student), so we played Scrabble. To my surprise, this young man was energetic, hopeful, and excited that he has me for two blocks in one day (that means he is with me for three hours of the day!). This one-on-one time was incredibly helpful to me. It really eased my nerves about the entire day. I don't know if he knows that he had that kind of impact on my mental well-being, but I was truly grateful for his individual company. My tenth grade classes (blocks 2 and 3) were also lacking in the attendance area (Tech doesn't take attendance on the first day because of the new student orientation, so word gets out), and all of the students who I met today were pleasant. I even had a few girls write comments for the comment box that stated, "you are going to be my favorite teacher!" Awww, isn't that sweet--don't worry, I know they are playing the game. :)

Looking back at the day, I have NOTHING to complain about. There wasn't a single moment in the day when I felt overwhelmed or out of control. I felt AMAZING. I felt so good about the day, that I am almost more nervous about tomorrow than I was about today. Being a lightly seasoned teacher, I have had the opportunity to learn a few things about teaching, and one of the first things I learned is that you should never get overly excited (or disappointed) about a day at school--things can (and probably will) be COMPLETELY different the next day. So, with that thought in mind, I am going to approach tomorrow with the same "green" attitude that I had today. I'm sure tomorrow will bring its own set of interesting circumstances.

Some random thoughts from today that I want to remember:

1. We only had two suspensions today (an altercation between two young men in the morning). I am pretty proud of the kids for this considering how chaotic the scheduling process was. We had about 1200 kids in the commons area getting papers thrown at them, and also having their bags searched.

2. A certain student that I had at Riverside (who also happens to be "that kid" that I will NEVER forget from my student teaching) now goes to Tech, and I saw him in the hallway. I'm sure I've spoken about this student in every blog I wrote while at Riverside, and I'm sure I made a "code" name for him, but the name has slipped me. Just trust me when I say that his presence at Tech feels like a guardian angel. He is definitely a substantial young man, and he was one of the biggest pains in my butt at Riverside, but I can't even describe to you how good it felt to see him today. :)

3. A young lady in my block 2 class introduced herself and by stating that her interesting fact about her is that she has anger problems. The class (as well as I) was caught off guard by this uninvited honesty, but I thanked her for her forwardness. She is going to be a tough cookie, and I am going to need to pay special attention to her. Unfortunately, I can tell by her demeanor that she is carrying a heavy load around with her. She seems to have a permanent gray cloud over her head, and a facial expression that reads, "Don't ask, just trust me; I have a reason to hate the world." In addition to her up-front confession about anger, this young lady informed me (via her comment card) that she DESPISES group-work. I have to make some sort of accommodation for this issue because she was willing to communicate this with me. I'm thinking that I will ask to speak with her individually, and ask for her compliance with a valiant attempt to participate in group work. I will try to work out some sort of discreet signal that she can flash at me if she is about to lash out at one of her group members, and then I can give her work to complete individually (but I would like her to stay in the group proximity). Hopefully this will help her feel more comfortable with my sensitivity to her needs, and my ultimate hope is that she will gradually begin to feel confident about being in a group setting.

4. I got an IEP in my mailbox today. Seems like I'm going to have an interesting situation in my ninth grade class... Don't worry, I was given crisis process for when this student engages in violent and defiant behaviors. Ugh. I am doing my best to keep an open mind about this young man's situation, but I already know that I have a HUGE weakness with Sp.Ed. kids who have behavior issues. Maybe this is fate's way of forcing me to confront this issue and take the steps necessary to address this personal deficit...

For now, I'm going to keep on keeping on. :)

Before you watch this, I want to clarify that I did TEACH while I was doing my middle school field work, but I was referring to the fact that I didn't teach on the first day (or the first couple weeks for that matter). :)

Excitement and nervousness start to feel the same...

So, there's a lot going on in my life right now. Just like I always do when I'm flustered, I make mental promises to myself that things will settle down in the near future. I allow myself to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, at this point in my life, I have come to the realization that it just isn't realistic for me to make promises to myself like that. My personality and dreams really don't allow me to settle down and "chill." I guess I'll just keep looking forward to retirement. :) Anyway, I am currently up to my chin in wedding planning, and I'm freaking out a little bit about starting my first year as a teacher in about a month. 

So, in the midst of cake tasting, shoe-shopping, jewelry making, invite addressing, registering, and dress drama, I find myself worrying about the technicalities of what I am about to start at the end of August: TEACHING. Oh, I think it's important for me to also mention that I am working at a CLC for two hours every morning with a bunch of young, hyper boys. Why is it important for me to mention this? Well, because these boys are my constant reminder of the fact that I NEED to find space in my brain to devote thought and reflection to my teaching philosophies. I think I just need to break down and allow myself to create hypothetical situations in my mind, and then ponder the responses I would have to those "issues." 

In the CLC today, I had to break up two fights (both between brothers who can't figure out that sitting right next to each other and ribbing each other is an ineffective way to demonstrate mature behavior), and I had to get out my "mean" face to make any sort of progress. Now, I'm not saying these incidents caused me tremendous anxiety, but it did cause me to take a mental step back. I had to hang around the classroom for a few minutes after my shift was over, because I just needed to think for a little bit. After just soaking in the silence (it felt sooo good after spending two long hours in craziness), I decided to go downstairs to sit with the boys at lunch. As soon as I walked down the stairs, I was greeted with plenty of smiles and waves, but the one face I really needed a smile from was intentionally (and purposefully) blank. I waved back to the smiling boys, and proceeded to perch myself on a radiator about eight feet away from my sassy friend. I sat there for a few minutes (I'll be honest, I was hoping he would acknowledge me, but I wasn't expecting him to) before I said anything. As I sat there, I felt myself feeling awkward. I felt slightly uncomfortable. I didn't know exactly what to say, and I didn't even try to predict what he would say back. So, I simply said, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that when we were in the classroom and you were ignoring me and throwing your papers on the floor, I felt kind of sad. I hope I didn't say or do anything to hurt your feelings, so if I did, I would really like you to let me know so that I don't do it again." He didn't look at me at all, and I felt sort of angry. I just wanted to grab his shoulders and force him to look at me. I wanted him to explain to me why he was/is so angry (and he's angry A LOT). Before I could let myself get any more upset, an older boy who was sitting within earshot, but who must have been straining his ears to hear my words, said, "Don't waste your time talking to him like that. He's disrespectful and he's being a total jerk to you on purpose." I was blown away. I wanted to run over and sit next to this boy and tell him that I appreciated his concern for my mental sanity, but I also wanted to assure him that I understand why a young, urban boy would want to be rude to me on purpose. Instead (because I often forget to wait before reacting), I looked at Sassy and said, "If that's true, I'm incredibly flattered. I'm flattered that you think I can handle negative attitudes." I immediately knew that this sounded like a challenge. Without any hesitation, Sassy looked at me and literally hissed, "Get away from me! You don't care about me!" All I could do was smile. I had gotten what I wanted and needed: an admittance of insecurity. Now that it was out in the open, I was free to talk about it. I stood up and allowed myself to speak in my normal volume. "Who are you fooling? I was done working at noon, and I came down here to talk to you. It doesn't bother me if you don't care about me, but I do care about you." Not to make this situation seem more epic than it was (because nothing is eloquent and emotionally beautiful until we've had time to reflect and re-call), I would like to mention that the cafeteria filled with hungry boys did not stop to listen. I didn't leave the school knowing that I had made some terrific impact on Sassy. But, I did leave that cafeteria with the self-assurance that I had not allowed myself to be satisfied with denial. 

And now, as I sit here on my blue chair typing this blog, and casually listening to my fiance play drums, I am able to reflect upon my situation with Sassy even further. I think that, overall, the biggest issues I have (and will) run into as a teacher center on self-concept and confidence. If only I knew how to teach these kids that they are amazing storage devices filled with potential. If only I knew how to help them understand that we all (at one time or another) have done and said things that we are not proud of. If only I knew how to reassure them that they will never be entirely satisfied with themselves, and the sooner they stop trying to perfect their "swagger," the sooner their "swagger" becomes admirable.

My mind feels like the basement of a pack-rat.

READ WITH CAUTION: This entry may contain highly confusing, discombobulated, unorganized, overly analytical, undercooked, and silly thoughts.

So, I'm sitting here on the couch in my apartment shifting between facebook and an article from onmilwaukee.com.  As I continued with this internet "shifting," I couldn't help but think regretfully about this sad excuse for a blog that I have here.  It seems that every time I use the internet to keep myself informed about the world around me, I find myself thinking about how important it is to record my own thoughts.  

The benefits of reflection and journalling are endless.  Not only is this practice incredibly valuable in regard to my profession, but the whole idea of diligently recording my thoughts is one that I value on a personal level as well.  With that being said, I am highly disappointed in the skimpiness of this blog.

As I sat here contemplating the shame that I was feeling, I also found myself wanting to delete a video that I had previously posted on this blog.  My reasons for wanting to delete it are as self-deprecating as my reasons for wanting to blog more: I feel guilty, inadequate, and naive.  Now, I don't want this blog to appear as some sort of warning of a major internal conflict I am experiencing; instead, I want this blog to display a sense of discontentment with myself.  I shall elaborate...

Although I am aware of the fact that these here blogs are dated, I need to re-emphasize the date for my own stylistic purposes: IT IS JULY 8TH, 2009.  Why is this important?  Well, this date is important because it marks a time in my life when I should feel so incredibly accomplished.  I mean, I have graduated from college with a bachelor's degree in English Education, I have completed an entire semester of student teaching in a public high school (this feat alone is one that I will forever take immense pride in), I have secured a full-time teaching job for this fall, I am going to be getting married in a few months, and I was able to (thankfully) find a job for this summer.  Well, now that I have reached the end of that overly complex sentence, I feel the need to remind my reader (myself) of the fact that today should mark a time when I SHOULD feel accomplished.  Well, I don't.  Instead, I feel incredibly overwhelmed, guilty, inadequate, and naive (you know, the same wonderful feelings I expressed in the previous paragraph).

My solutions to this issue are about as simple as my "problem" is.  As an individual who was cultivated in the UWM English Education program (I am now silently praising the gods for Tom Scott and Donna Pasternak), I cannot deny the power of self-reflection.  So, problem solution #1: you're reading it.  In addition to accepting the special place that this reflective practice NEEDS to hold in my life, I am also considering the fact that it is impossible for me to separate my professional life from my personal life.  Therefore, problem solution #2: let's pause for a small "story-time."

Cue story-time:

Okay, so after dissecting my nagging desire to blog, I decided that I really would like to have two blogs.  In one blog I could carefully and eloquently place all of my professional experiences as an educator.  In this blog I would insert profound educational statements about the heart of learning and my passion for the advancement of Milwaukee's youth.  In the other blog I would carelessly and eccentrically toss all of my personal experiences as a wonderfully confused gathering of cells.  The mere idea of these two blogs could function as an ironic demonstration of my own hypocrisy in the Court of Bullshit. 

End of story-time

Cue actual blog entry:

So, going back to problem solution #2, I have decided that this blog (appropriately entitled "Blood, sweat, tears, and learning") is no longer restricted to professional reflection.  Instead, this blog will now serve as an unfiltered bucket into which I will toss the cookies of my head.  Undeniably, these cookies will feature both professional and personal experiences as ingredients.  However, a new (secret) ingredient to these cookies is acceptance.

This new ingredient (bare with me as I try to smoothly transition out of this overly-elaborate metaphor about cookies and back into a more accessible voice) will be a thought I am going to work hard to carry with me every second.  The whole idea of acceptance (acceptance of others, acceptance of the world, acceptance of denial, and acceptance of self) is a beautiful mixture of simplicity and complexity that any self-respecting hypocrite can appreciate.

Long story long, I'm not going to apologize to myself for posting a video that I am not proud of, I'm not going to apologize to myself for not blogging enough, and I'm sure not going to offer self-criticism about my expertise in the art of experiencing life.  As an imperfect perfectionist, I can appreciate the hard-work I put into posting that freakin' video a while back (I would not be exaggerating if I said it took several hours to figure out the video program, record with sound, and figure out how to upload the product), I can appreciate the gaps between my blogs because they only offer true insight to the nature of my mind (spacey at times, followed by moments of pure excellence--insert sarcasm here), and I can sure appreciate the fact that I am proud to be a newbie (I will forever be a life-long learner).

Because I feel unsatisfied by the concluding qualities of that previous paragraph, I am going to re-end this post by stating that I couldn't be more scared or excited about this fall.  I feel the urge to further describe this duality of emotion, but I will resist in the name of mystery and its intricate style.

Torn

So, as I am trying to get two videos uploaded on here (I used iMovie for the first time, and I'm not entirely comfortable with it..), I would like to discuss a few things.  

I was offered a job at Bradley Tech here in Milwaukee.  When I was offered the job, I was super excited because I really got a good vibe from the principal, the head of the English Dept, the Special Ed Dept Chair, the parent who was there, and the other few people who I have unfortunately forgotten.  :(  I went to the interview dreading the whole thing.  I wasn't sure I wanted to even work at Bradley Tech (I had heard so many negative things about it), but I forced myself to go by telling myself that it would be a "good experience" to have the interview.  Well, I did really well!  (I've since had two other interviews that I also did well at, so I am feeling very confident in my eloquence when it comes to interview question-answering)  But anyway, I left the interview feeling surprised at how much I liked everything about the interview.  Then, on my way home from the school, I received a voice-mail (I have a strict no-answering-the-cell-phone-while-driving-manual rule) from the principal letting me know that he had gone ahead and forwarded a request to hire me through central office.  I was giddy with the excitement of even being offered a job.  Well, as time went on, I allowed myself to stir in the big decision I had to make: do I take the first job offer I receive, or should I wait it out to see if there is something that is more appealing?  Hahahahaha, that was a joke!  Silly me!  MPS doesn't have the time (or communication) to wait until I make a decision.  As I was allowing myself to grapple with this choice, I involuntarily accepted the job.  Yup, that's correct, I took the job at Bradley Tech without knowing it.  How did this happen, you ask?  Well, it happened because I overlooked the fact that you only have 24 hours after a job offer to reject that offer, otherwise central office considers you hired.  The end result: I have a job in MPS that I am not really sure is the right place for me, but I don't even have a choice, because unfortunately, if I reject the job now (after I've already accepted it), I can't work in MPS AT ALL.  Agh, I just don't even know what to think.  In one sense I'm really relieved and excited to have a job at all, in another sense I feel like the personal selection aspect of finding a job was kind of pulled from underneath me.

Speaking of jobs... I had an interview at Maryland Ave Montessori school on Monday (which I totally rocked.. haha), and I fell in love with the whole philosophy of Montessori education.  I think I may go back to get certified to teach grades 1-6 (so then I could teach grades 1-12).  In addition, I am also making the mental plans to go back to school in 2010 to get my reading specialist certification, and then eventually get my masters to become a literacy coach.  :)

One more issue before I go and attempt to upload those videos again: I had a better day today.  I decided that, as a teacher who loves organization and staying on top of grading, "buffer" days rock.  What's a buffer day?  Well, it's a day when you collect writing, projects, and vocabulary activities and allow students to "catch up" any missing work they have for a unit.  :)  It's also an excellent opportunity to work one-on-one with some students who really need the extra help.  Oh!  One more thing: I totally discovered the wonderful power of making "pretend" phone calls during class.  Haha.  I had some sassy ones today, and all I had to do was walk over to the phone and look over at those students, and they started to murmur about the fact that "Ms. K is on the phone."  A little cruel?  Eh, maybe.  I'm only human..

Overdue

So, the title of this blog is in regard to the time it has taken me to finally take the initiative and start a student teaching blog.  I have been meaning to start this blog and use it to record my experiences for about six months now!

I will begin this blog by stating that it will be spastic, personal, insightful, honest, and therapeutic.  I do not intend for this blog to be a place where I come to offer advice, intellect, and research to my fellow student teachers (we do that through discussion in class), but instead this will be a place for me to spill my guts.  I am not interested in impressing future employers with this blog, I am more interested in creating a place for me to come and record the bumps, valleys, memories, and milestones of my experiences as a preservice teacher.

Currently, I am in my seventh week of student teaching at Riverside University High School in Milwaukee Public Schools.  I am teaching in two regular ninth grade English classes and one Hispanic American Literature elective for eleventh and twelfth graders.  Thus far in my "journey" I have had moments of glory, laughter, joy, fear, inadequacy, and true frustration.  In the short seven weeks that I have been with these students, I have experienced every emotion I have ever experienced in my entire life.  And, that is how I know that this experiences is worth every tear, smile, hiccup, sleepless night, etc.  I can't imagine things being any other way.  I love leaving the school every night feeling like my mind is racing a million miles an hour.  I love going home and not having any room in my brain to consider anything other than what happened that day, what will happen tomorrow, and how I am going to "fit in" everything else in my life.

This past week, I had the pleasure of conducting two days of parent/teacher conferences.  I met about twenty of my students' parents.  Some of the parents were there to listen to how amazing their son or daughter is; some of these parents were there to device a plan for their son or daughter.  Either way, all I could think about while speaking with these parents was how much I appreciate each of their children.  Not one of those kids deserves anything but a smile, pat on the back, and positive word.  After all, even if they aren't getting an "A" in my class, they are contributing to my growth as an educator in one way or another.  In a way, they are subconsciously more influential than I am.  In the end, even if they receive a "U" in my class, they are responsible for my experiences as a preservice teacher.

Everyday I think about these kids, all I can think is how wonderful they all are.  How is it possible that I can be so angry and spiteful towards a group of kids, but ultimately love them all for it?

I can't imagine doing anything else.